Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
