god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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