Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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