FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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