Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
