I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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