can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
