remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
