Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
