People with herpes should wear stickers.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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