okay pat passed out under dana's car
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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