as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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