i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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