someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i believe in u and ur pee
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