Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
