??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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