No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
