why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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