does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
