I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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