so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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