we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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