She is in my trunk
Your dad touched me again.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
