his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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