YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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