why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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