i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
