He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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