he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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