I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
