Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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