It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
