obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
