He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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