Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
