I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
