I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
