We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
