That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
