somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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