This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
