i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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