The maid of honor just puked.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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