Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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