im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
