This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
