So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
