So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
