The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
