Whod you bang
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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