I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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