This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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